Distress

Something is wrong...

Job hunting or Graduate School?? What if they both demanded for me? heck..Am I that demanding?? Looking up too high on myself.. but isn't it a good thing to boost my motivation??  ...

I don't wanna work!! I wanna study! ... but .. What if my ideal job comes looking for me?? .... What if I pass TokyoU(Todai)? I know I don't have that kind of quality to do so... but what if I did? 2 of my friends told me it is possible... But I don't have a scholarship...  ... sh-t .. I can't be selfish... Fama has to stop paying after I graduate! ... but .. work .... See, I'm just being immature cos I don't wanna face the society and enter the working world. What a spoilt failure... but ...but .... studies.. Why do I get paid to work and not study? I am still contributing in a way! .. I don't get paid if people actually get reference from my thesis in future... if they do pay.. it'll be too late. heck... will my thesis be that good in the first place?!!

I'm working for it ...  ... I have what I think are good ideas for my research ... darnn, it hasn't even begun yet! not in half a year!  but I think I'm laid back too... What am I talking about?? 

I know I'll go crazy and die of stress if I get into Todai ... TUAT applications in Aug next year ChibaU is in Feb... A good uni by standards, or a conveniently located campus of a decent uni? 

eh? I don't know what I'm talking about ...

I need to swim .... get me a pool.. I will beat the pool water crazy...

Note : I will be okay. Don't come and console me 3 days after this entry is posted cos it will just provoke me again....

and I pray for a miracle for the missing passengers of Air France 447. I hope their yellow boats get drifted by the current to a Brazilian island.